So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
