If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
