This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Randomize
