it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
