I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
