you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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