i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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