so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize