we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Floor bacon is actually really good
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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