Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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