I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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