I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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