Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
