it was like his penis was on wheels.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
