god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My boob is missing a layer of skin
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
