It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
