i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize