Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
