More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
