Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
