im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
