ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
