summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
