I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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