I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
