Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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