woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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