don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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