dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
