I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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