Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
