She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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