he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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