don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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