State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
