FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
