It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
