you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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