bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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