if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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