to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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