can u get pink eye on your cock?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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