i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
