i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
