I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
