My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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