So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
