could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
