Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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