What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
