O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
