i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize