Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
