can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
