Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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