Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
