a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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