piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
well you can't waste a boner
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
