Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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