the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
