I can text with my tongue
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
