Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
