I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
