grandma shit on top of the toilet
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
