Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
