She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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