My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
