Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
