last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
