god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
