i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
God, I missed his penis.
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